By Scott Ott for ScrappleFace

Sen. Barack Obama, D-IL, in an effort to demonstrate the leadership qualities which will make him a great president, today offered his own proposal to defuse the current financial crisis in the wake of yesterday’s failure of the Bush-Pelosi financial-sector bailout plan.

“The House rejected the bailout because folks don’t trust [Treasury Secretary] Hank Paulson — a complete stranger — to manage the distribution of $700 billion in taxpayer money,” said Sen. Obama. “My plan calls for putting in charge of that cash pile someone the people of the world can trust — namely me, Barack Obama.”

The Barack Obama Modified Bailout plan would place the same virtually-untrammeled powers in the hands of a man who has already earned the peoples’ trust by distributing tens of millions of dollars in campaign contributions to consultants, caterers and charter airlines.

Sen. Obama said that once given the authority, he would start to stabilize markets by ensuring the election of Democrats who have received large campaign contributions from Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and other financial giants.

“Those investments are at risk if Democrats lose in November,” said Sen. Obama. “Uncertainty is the enemy of free markets. By using part of the $700 billion to guarantee that Democrats own Congress and the White House, credit markets will loosen up and money will flow freely again. Then we can return to the days when the news wasn’t dominated by bad mortgages, imprudent investments, and irresponsible CEOs escaping accountability. People don’t want to hear that stuff. My plan will help them recapture their bliss.”